Rastus (Chapter 1)

I’ve always loved Rastus. That wasn’t his real name or my dog but I met him a few years back. He belonged to a neighbour of mine. Rastus didn’t know this, he thought he owned her. She wanted a dog so went to the dog pound to choose one finding Rastus there. When introduced they soon were friends. No too active as he’d been deprived of his private parts. Probably she was told the usual sob story of a placid dog wanting a companion. So he went home with her with his dog tag jingling on his collar. They don’t jingle these days as they are made plastic but she in her wisdom was entranced by this tinkling sound and called him Tinkerbell.

He settled in, soon making carnage of the back garden but she didn’t seem to mind. This is where I came in and before long I was spending few hours a week tidying the place up and acquainting myself with Tinkerbell. He was out of control so I suggested I take him for a walk after my gardening.. It took time for him to understand that I took him and not vice-versa. However by the time I returned him home he was walking by my side with an occasional glance up at me to knowig I was in charge.

Back home we were given a drink, me tea and Tinkerbell water. As I was sitting down in the Lounge Room chatting with my neighbour that I  noticed marks on furniture and cushions. I pointed out damage his teeth but she had not noticed them. Clearly her eyesight was fading. “Oh, Tinkerbell, you naughty boy,” she said.

I suggested he be given just one room in the house to stay in, preferably the kitchen or laundry when she was out and she agreed. He took no part in the conversation and decided he wanted to go into the garden so I got up and let him out and straight away he deposited a load in the rose bushes, reversed and then covered it with dirt.

He then looked up and grinned at me.

354 words

When all else fails

What on earth do you do when all else fails?
When young went to pub to have some ales
This wears thin if you prefer to drink gin
If musical you can play the violin
But if a friend is close have a long chat
Without a friend best to talk to your cat
If married you have a wife to share it
However she might be cross I admit
But she's your partner to share all concerns
And will help you out with all twists and turns
She married you so in you she can trust
Quite apart from the small matter of lust
Yes you are a formidable couple
Quite apart from the fact that she is supple
Recall your wedding the look in her eyes
She trusts you so you know that she's wise



Image found at www.pixabay.com

Bothersome flies

What can I do with these bothersome flies
My face is sweating they're invading my eyes
I could swat them with my weekend paper
They're looping around, I don't like this caper

All I did was to prune the garden roses
That's the trouble when our skin we exposes
My wife is watching me from the windows
I think I'll move slowly into the shadows

Or else take my bicycle for a spin
To set me free of my imagining
Seems I have always been a fretful man
I am not quite sure when this all began

I suppose it was when I was a child
Expect you know the drift; I was meek and mild
Born in Venice so sang a barcarole
Introverted so dug myself in a hole

Image found at https://pixabay.com/photos/search/venice

Angela

How I recall Angela
A sweet girl with bright blue eyes
Who with just one kiss would give such sighs

She was a lass next to none
Her lips the taste of cinnamon
Which I must say was quite uncommon

She stacked the shelves in a shop
Which is why my eyes did pop
To see her long legs and derriere

But that was nothing at all
Because she was six feet tall
I didn't groan as I was too

I gave her onyx earrings
She loved them they made her sing
Next will be a diamond ring

Image found at https://pixabay.com/photos/exhibition-girl-model-tall-girl-2875020/

Brother deer

I don't want to make a fuss my friend
But whats on your breath for heaven sake?
Guess you've been down the humans lake 
Drinking their water full of muck 
You should have known better - silly buck

Mind you that gives me a better chance
Don't fancy your hopes with that beaut hind
She'll sniff you and you'll be left behind
Then you'll have to wait 'til next year
I think you've lost out brother dear

Illustration by courstesy of Jason Limberg

It's time

The eyes of the dead are on me
I do not heed their tempting call
I write; as I have ideas galore
I feel that I can do so much more

"It's time, it's time" I hear them say
As poetry flows from my pen
I write of Earth and the oceans broad
Of trees and beasts and of river's ford

But those sad moans come thick and fast
Is that my wife now calling me?
Just one more haiku I plead and cry
Is must be the latest prompts I spy?

So the words still come and spill forth
Until I feel my wife's sweet kiss
So won't be here for the weekend's post
I had to choose that which I loved the most

Image found at Real Toads "Emperor of the Dawn" by Quincy Washington with permission 

She leads

Could have been great disappointment to wife
Even though she was the love of my life
I first saw her in the street one fine day
Proposed a date, "Yes" she answered, hooray!

Date went well, held hands as I walked her home
Discussing what else could be done
It soon was clear she liked to dance a lot
Kissed goodnight, went home; brain lost the plot

I had two left feet and my mind went wild
Hopeless me, I almost cried like a child
She ticked all my boxes; but what of her?
Below standard me, she'd surely demure

We stuck with films and concerts for awhile
Until I told the real truth without guile
But she didn't despair or so I thought
So stopped at shop, box of chocs I bought

Clearly I knew how to turn the life's tide
Not long before with me she would abide
As we married less than a year later
Garden reception with lots of waiters

Dear one, she chose to take me just as I am
Marriage was good, could say t'was topped with jam
If we ever danced it was she who leads
She considers me one with special needs

Image found at https://www.overstockart.com/painting/renoir-dance-in-the-city-933623727

The good old days

The finches chatted in the trees
Then flew to ground to pick up feed
Then up again, wind swirling round
I glanced at them, reading my mail 
Rarely sent this digital age
Makes oldies go off in a rage

Posties delivering less and less
Spam callers on home phones each day
Kitchen fridge piled with post-it notes
Filled with ready cooked frozen meals
Greasy home cooking rare sight now
No burnt knuckles or scalded brow

Why curb my needs to do it now
Wanting those old days back again
Don't spare me doing things myself
Just in case the power cuts off
Yes, Let's get water from a well
Get the night soil man call as well

Image found at www.https://pinterest.ca/pin/370421138073638359/?1p=true

Please forgive my dark humour here as oldies do tend to yearn for the past while they forget the disadvantages of the good old days when some necessities were quite primitive!

My cat Monk

I watched my dog leaping through the paddock
The tall grass no impediment to him
While sat and meditated with Monk my cat
Who adopted us when sat on Welcome mat

Should have called him Tiger or Bravado
As he didn't know what cowardice meant
But he learned a lesson one winter's night
When sat in front of dog when fire's alight

Only to singe his fur which caused quite a pong
But Monk is now protected by the dog
Having learned lesson to make him his friend
Quite happy with that, so this is the end

Image found at https://www.catnaplazydog.com/

I wonder...

I wonder how long I will live?
Now my brain is much like a sieve
Will I live in a comatose state?
Sadly being force fed
Lying in hospital bed

Will I keep writing useless rhyme?
Just to pass away my time
Will I wander round retirement home?
Chatting to garden gnomes
Because they are all alone

Will they find me watching TV?
Dunking biscuits in my tea
Trusty notepad at my side
Happy in my later years
Writing tales of joy and tears

...you can count on it!

Image found at https://www.dreamstime.com

March here is sunny bliss

What visions March has for me
Living once in England's clime
Willing spring to show its face
When still around was winter's frosty rime

I left those shores years ago
Sailing to another place
To Australia I did go
To warmer clime was no disgrace

March here is sunny bliss
Summer takes it's time to leave
Sea welcomes with a warm kiss!
And winters spot of rain? Hard to perceive

It depends on where you go
Oz is a mighty country
Satisfy any lad or beau
No March hares but snakes and sharks aplenty

Image found at https://southaustralia.com/travel-blog/5-of-the-best-beaches-in-adelaide

P.S. This is the beach at Glenelg, South Australia where I live where winter is in June, July & August

No clouds in sight

It's a bright sunny day with no clouds in sight
I drive down the beach to check the tide
I wear my swim trunks but still can't decide
Are the waves smooth or will they put up a fight?

Relax as I drive to the free car park
Just a few here and the sea is quite calm
Bathers on, just take towel and creamy balm
It looks like the sand worms are having a lark

Wormholes show how the worms have been quite busy
Place bits and pieces on patch of dry sand
Have a paddle before I work out plan
Yikes! The water's freezing it makes me quite dizzy

Perhaps I'll go straight back home, (So I think)
I chide myself wading into the shallows
Until I'm passed by some other fellows
Maybe it's not that cold, wade in and slowly sink

So this initial trial then wakes me right up
And soon I am riding the waves with style
Swimming around having fun for a while
Got back home just before lunch and quite buoyed up!

Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/people-man-swim-sport-hobby-water-2586821/

With some birds

My idea of fun you see
Is going out to climb a tree
To see far off to distant places
And laugh at little kids jealous faces

I poke a snoot down below
To see some birds strut to and fro
I drop some acorns from this old oak tree
They show no surprise unaware of me

Not knowing there's a human here
They look around; the coast is clear
But when I then squawk with a bird like noise
They jump with such fear and lose all their poise

They don't see me up above
The first to fly are all the doves
Starlings and thrushes don't give a hoot
While wiley blackbird looks up so astute

Sees this human perching high
Shakes his head and flies up in the sky
Wonder if he tells them where I am
For all at once the whole flock did scram

Mum asked where I'd been, when home
In those days it was safe to roam
"Oh with some birds that are my best friends"
How strange she looks as she misunderstands

Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/oak-tree-individually-nature-354641/

"Poke a snoot"  means to treat haughtily or to peer at. Snoot or snooter meaning nose.

So up I soared

Will retire soon
Or so I tell myself
Before I go completely mad

It was Friday
Drafting a contract
Listening to chatter of keypad

That was Betty 
Typing dutifully
To some firm in Hyderabad

Then a sharp gust
Blew into the room
Took all my notes which was so sad

Was stunned at first
To see them fly off
Then pleased; I was really quite glad

Stood on my feet 
Waved Betty Goodbye!
Jumped out the window from launch pad

So up I soared
Fetching the pieces
Of paper and files like a young lad

Then down I went
Down ever so fast
I got them all; clever Granddad!

Mission all done
So swooped up again
Into office, that wasn't half bad!

Just for a dare
I kissed sweet Betty
"Your last day sir; I am so sad!"

Image courtesy David Bulow, https://www.instagram.com/bilow_ink/

Ahead of you

I am ahead of you
Those were my last words
Just moments before my execution
Thinking that humour was apt
As a final cutting statement
As the crowd gaped on
All laughing at my misfortune
I made a clean break
And doffed my peaked cap
To wave goodbye quite unaware
Of the end of time

Image found at https://2.bp.blogspot.com/

Talking about money

I don't like talking about money
It makes me feel quite funny
And my eyes go all runny
Because it is a tool which
Is but a toy of the filthy rich
Not you and I, just gives us an itch

We're encouraged to bank our money
We do, like a silly bunnies
Which they think is very funny
They'll use it to fund bigger things
Make big profit, their wives do sing
But our cash's value has taken wings

As cost of living is on the rise
Which of course is no surprise
The banks may well be telling lies
Wish I had the sense of my Grandma
Who hid her money in a huge jar
Used it to buy a Rolls Royce car!

Image found at http://www.costumedetective.com/

An Aussie's aspect on Winter

Now is the winter of your discontent
Made glorious summer in Australia
I don't say that winters were bad back then
In England with roast beef, cornish pasties
Pebbly beaches and memorable fogs
Probably all changed now, all European
Until of course they exit from EU
But that matters not to us here in Oz
A truly multicultural nation

Where our friends come from all over the world
Then there are the native people of course
Their land but the census didn't count them
Until a referendum finally 
Acknowledged they were people not fauna
Took us hundred and eighty years to accept
Meanwhile we enjoy weather that is not cold
Unless you climb up the mountains that is
Where it does snow sometimes (no guarantee)

So if you have that strange desire to ski
Best cross the Tasman sea to New Zealand
But as we are up-side-down we do this
In your summer and moan when it is cold
We also moan when it is too damned hot 
Well we moan all the time as a defence
We don't want people to see we're happy
It's the best place in the world; we know it
Don't tell anyone else; I'll clobber you!

Image of kangaroo in snowy vinyard found at https://www.washingtonpost.com/

The first two lines are of course paraphrased from Shakespeare's 'Henry V'

Ring-a-ring o'roses

Ring-a-ring o'roses
A pocket full of posies
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall down

Ring-a-ring o'rosey
I have a runny nosey
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
Energy has flown

Ring the Doc, on the dot
I think I need a shot
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
Nose in meltdown

Ring for an ambulance
Don't spare the finance
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
I feel so run down

Please get me out of here
Loath the food, need a beer
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
Hate this nightgown!

Image found at https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/25543922858663213/?lp=true

Family history

We caught the train at half past nine
Travelling on the country line
Where the sun all the time did shine

Searching for my roots was the aim
Others might laugh or show disdain
Knowing how to complete the chain

I might find they've been caught in crime
I need just a sliver of time 
Were they married did church bells chime?

I could design a family tree
Wife feigned surprise looked at me
What's afoot are you kidding me?

Image found at http://www.travelodium.com/

Walk by the river

A warm summer's day
I parked the car off the road
Walked to the river

There under the trees
Thinking about life and death
My mind drifting off

Then when I awoke
Somebody sat by my side
It was Death himself

"You know that it's time?
He asked and I understood
"One last walk?" I asked

Laughing, shook his head
"Why not" he said getting up
As I got up too

He took river side
Lest I tried to escape him
As we strolled along

At the river's bend
I pushed him in the water
Ran off to the car

I had driven off 
Well before he could get out
So I win round one

Image found at ps://www.campsight.com.au/catalogue/the-murray