I was dreaming

"Wake up" she said for I was sleeping
Giving me a nudge and then a push
"What utter nonsense are you dreaming?"
Couldn't think, then it came with a whoosh

Who can explain why we dream such things?
"Do that again, it's spare bed for you"
Said my wife with a word that stings
For in her mind dementia was a clue

I now curled up given that advice
She huffed and puffed a little harder
Muttering "This is no paradise"
While I thought of raiding the larder

For a long time I stared in the dark
Thinking of someone I could ring
But knew my best friend was at my side
Tonight I'll quit the booze, that's the thing



Image found at www.dailymash.co.uk.

Boys night out

Father and son to the pub they go
To quench their thirst on this cold night
Downing beers and ales to their delight
Sozzled faces gleaming with a glow

Meanwhile the missus at home alone
Watches the television sat down
Now ready for bed in her nightgown
Starved of love, dreams of another one

Who rescues her from her parlous state
And on his horse they gallop away
She holds him tight for a night of play
Their bodies entwined 'til very late

Meanwhile the men sway with the grog's grip
Get cluck from the barmaid and the boss
Against their will from the inn are tossed
So wayward home do stumble and trip

A blast of night air cools their spirits some
As they battle the wind's icy blast
To reach their own front door at last
And find missus nursing a pillow at home

Image found at https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/92816442301554733/?lp=true

I will win

I walk into a bar
Escape out of the rain
A drunk slumped on a stool
Oh that's just great, what a pain

Then the barman looked up
So I ordered a shot
Sat by the warm fireside
Then in walks girl...my she's hot!

Checks bar then the fire
Sits down right next to me
While the drunk laughs out loud
As she gets a Bellini

"Take no notice of him"
Says this queen of the night
"I can't wait to get home
Family's my hearts delight"

My animated face
Must have shown surprise
"Eagles lose, I will win"
Yes I saw it in her eyes

Bellini - Cocktail of Peach schnapps and Champagne

Image 1 found at https://www.videoblocks.com/
Image 2 found at https://www.drinktails.com/cocktails-for-women/

Guinness is no mans friend

Damn you Keiran for getting me sloshed
Tho' I was nowhere as drunk as you
And got cursed when I got home so late
'Cos I had to take you to your wife
Totally plastered, that you were, mate

I say draft Guinness is no man's friend
At two pubs we were thrown out last night
First time I had fought with my bare fists
Glad I stuck to drinking my Pale Ale
My were you soused, away in the mists

Why do you Paddy's sing such songs
And want to punch everyone in sight?
What made it worse you craved pie and chips
Then got tomato sauce down your front
Laid on the pavement you saw an eclipse

What's sad was that when I got you home
Your wife Siobhan thought that you'd been stabbed
Screamed at me for getting you in this fix
So forget next time, my wife got quite mad
Says next week I take her to the flicks

Image found at http://www.thedrinkingclasses.com/guinness-draught-for-st-patricks-day/

The pebble beach

Luckily it had been a warm night
Binge drinking session over
I woke up on the pebble beach
With hungry seagulls watching me
But soon they were quickly put to flight

Staccato whistling of soaring birds
Checking the water for some food
And the gentle sprinking of rain
Convinced me to leave my stony bed
To farewell my sidekick who'd not stirred

Some hours later I could not deny
I felt thinner after a bathroom stop
Slick too shaving off my stubble
Then I spied my eyes in the mirror
Don't talk of my sin 'til by and by

Image found at https://hiveminer.com

The morning after

It was the night before the morning after
Full of booze and uproarious laughter
My mind was clearly was not in gear
Couldn't tell whether I was here or there
She took me places I need not know

By spending it in foolish drinking
When I awoke I was not at home
And clearly I was also not alone
Deep in trouble I am sure of that
With three stray dogs I know not how

Image found at www.peacecorpsinthelandofeternalspring.blogspot.com.au

A cailin in her prime

Her pasty face intrigued me
Her eyes were sad and wan
They told me her sad story
Of her better days long gone

She sat there in the doorway
Her scent was apalling
Beer bottle in her hand
She now began to sing

Sounding liker an Irish air
Despite her squalor now
She sang of Erin's isle
To return there was her vow

I thought of who she had been
Revelling with a beau
A cailin in her prime
So many long years ago

Then a few weeks later on
Her alcove quite empty
Passing her nightly squat
As she'd died while still twenty

Note Cailin is Irish for - Young girl

Image found at www.korhaber.com

Boys night out

Cheers he said throwing the beer can
A stupid grin on his wan face
Giving vent to unknown anger
Not wanting to undo his past
And with no thought for tomorrow

The lads night had been ruined
As he couldn't handle his booze
The single line of youths walked on
Hoping the next bar would let them in
Perhaps cut them a bit of slack

They went in pairs but no luck there
But one of them got a carton
So we all went down to the beach
To sit by the sand and the surf
Larking with the pebbles and shells

It's Jim's wedding day tomorrow
Let's hope he remembers who to
Looking all trim for the next day
Strapping lad is Jim; she's beaut too
At least I've got the ring for them

Image found at www.boldsky.com

The lovable rogue

He was a lovable rogue
You couldn't trust him an inch
Avoiding people he owed
With his lopsided grin
Buttering up those like me
Who might just lend him some cash
Which was never quite enough
That you'd never see again

He had a family somewhere
Up the north coast so he said
He real mates were in the pub
Kindred of sorts, jokes, tall tales
Was always watching the door
Alert like a keen jockey
For quick exit from the stalls
Those days long gone thank goodness

Image found at www.poojavir.wordpress.com

Demon drink

Oh no! I am awake
January the first
Kids are in the backyard
They're playing with a ball
Bang, bang, bang against the wall

It is always the same
This I learn to my cost
My friend the demon drink
Is really mean to me
For my eyes can hardly see

Now cruel teenager son
Bruises my ears as well
"Boots are made for walking"
Please put me underground
To muffle out all the sound

Image found at www.menshealth.com/health/your-journey-through-drunk-sleep

Young and foolish

When I was young and foolish
There were times I was in my cups
As beer and a whisky chaser
Did lead me to brawls and punch ups

No better was I when married
Friday nights with office mates I went
Now downing pints and even more
From pubs I suffered banishment

Luckily when kiddies came along
They put me on a straighter road
My liver sighed now with relief
To spend more time in our abode

Note 1.  In my cups means to be drunk
Note 2.  This is not autobiographical!

Image found at www.dailymail.co.uk

Those days long past

It was Jock of course
"Aye she's a sassy lassy"
He said beer in hand

He came from Glasgow
We met every Friday night
At the Bakers Arms

Born in the Gorbals
Drank us under the table
He just got noisy

All brawn, raw language
Had an eye for a sweet girl
Quick to take offence

Married Jim's sister
That sure quietened him down
Oh those days long past

Wish I could go back
To be that young man again
Drinking in the pub

Image found at www.blog.itriagehealth.com

This sweet lubricant

Now some might say that I was errant
I had this need for drinks so piquant
Accompanied by music vibrant
My behavior became so rampant
I was a fully paid up Bacchant
Always lured by strong spirits fragrant
Booze for me was a great assistant
Until my wife became so indignant
I had to shun this sweet lubricant
Give up my ways so exuberant
Or I would become a mendicant
Knowing I had become repugnant

Image found at www.gettyimages.com

The morning after

I still feel woozy

Yes I remember drinking

Until late last night

A voice in ymy head

Now mentions a thoughtless swine

The wife’s on the phone

Talking to her friend

But I cleaned up the bathroom

Why is she uptight?

Image found at www.cunooz.com

I sat at the bar

I sat at the bar
What a boring life I lead
The bartender's friend

Talk is quite mundane
Loneliness, a two edged sword
I'm not home alone

I breathe in a scent
Dark hair, long legs and Chanel
Beats television

So I nod at her
She grins at me and sits down
I buy her a drink

Image of Edward Hoppers's "Nighthawks" found at www.artwallpapers.com

Jack has wandered off

I've this craze for a jumble sale
Bargains can be found in the junk
A book you have longed to read
Or that brooch you really need

This photo frame; is it gilt?
Just two dollars that is cheap
Who were the pair pictured here?
A loving couple of yesteryear

Husband Jack has now wandered off
Can't abide week-end sales these days
He's now walked off down the street
Oh, this Teddy bear is so sweet

Where is Jack? These bags are heavy
What a lovely day it has been
A coffee now and donut to dunk
Ah, here he comes, I think he's drunk

Image found at www.b26community.wordpress.com

Pretty pink toes

I opened my eyes
Just what had we done last night?
Lying on the floor

The air was so stale
And reeked of cheap liquor
I remember now

Lost another job
With misery my only friend
Drowning my sorrows

Until I thought of you
A privilege to know you
For you'd sympathise

Me drunk as a skunk
You fast asleep in your chair
With pretty pink toes

I reached up to touch
But you sadly shook your head
Then said "Time you went"

Image found at www.nyssafive.tumblr.com

Beer, beer, glorious beer

Beer, beer glorious beer!
Fill yourselves up to here!
Drink a good deal of it - make a good meal of it
Stick to old fashioned beer!
Don't be afraid of it - Drink till you're made of it
Now, altogether a cheer!
Up with the sale of it  - down with a pail of it
Glorious, glorious beer!
                                             Traditional British drinking song

Once when I was just twenty
I worked for a brewery
A labourer no less
Rolling out the barrels
As a holiday job
To earn extra money
So I could get married

Underground in the cellars
Barrels thirty-six gallons
Kilderkins were eighteen
A firkin down to nine
Pin's just four and a half
Rolled around in tunnels
Maturing in the dark

Never saw the light of day
Wearing out our fingertips
Back bent, pushing, pushing
Those damned old oaken casks
Stumbling in the passages
We cursing and laughing
Until the break of shift

At the end of a days work
In those days of long ago
The shift finally over
We queued at the counter
Given two bottles of bitter
To take home for to drink
Beer, beer glorious beer

Image found at www.embracethefunk.com

Free as a bird

I remember when
My youth was at its full bloom
Future so far off

Life seemed good back then
I did the breweries proud
How I laughed out loud

Pub my second home
Of smoking I did my share
Filling the ashtrays

Once or twice stumbled
Lost in the dark lonely streets
On the wrong way home

Man with no mission
Luckily short my romance
With this foolish life

Was I spurned in love
Or bullied in the workplace
Or just plain stupid?

No, for I was young
Responsibilities none
As free as a bird

Waiting to be snared
In that first seductive kiss
Of a sweet romance

Image found at www.biervat.blogspot.com

Yet Again

To be blunt
I'm as drunk
As a skunk
Yet again

You've been gone
For so long
Now I'm down
I've no brain

I'm so sick
Lethargic
Been in the nick
It's a pain

Please come home
Hate it alone
And I'm all done
Ring me Jane

Thanks for the call
You said it all
I'm on the ball
Catch the first train