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| Late autumn |
I hate the way autumn comes so soon
I hate the way moon leers at me
Trees understand they drop their leaves
And swallows flee from underneath the eaves
T'was this time I said goodbye to you
You closed your eyes and breathed no more
Oh my darling you were my all
And rain like sad tears did fall
And so my life is where sadness rules
What a hole is left in my heart
Do you watch me from above?
Do you see it's still you I love?
You are still here all around me now
Children grow apace you'd be so proud
I grow so old without you
Please dear, do read this billet doux
Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/walk-landscape-trees-sun-sky-man-445272/
Didn't need an alarm this bright morning
As birds chatter and quarrel in the trees
Peek out the curtain, no sign of a breeze
Rained last week but the bright sun's now shining
Clouds high in sky, and moon grins like a cheese
Slowly fades from sight now brought to its knees
A grunt beside me, at last wife's waking
I go to the kitchen, jug and cups await
Dog at the door, his tail wags at a rate
He dashes round garden, jug's now singing
Now back in the bedroom your eyes I see
You say "the tea can wait" beckoning me
We both wake up with the dog barking
I stagger to garden door to let him in
Quiet day at home is what I'm thinking
Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/coffee-cup-mug-bedroom-morning-690349/
It's almost eight years
Since you went away
I still feel you're here
But no words do you say
It's lonely in bed
There's room for you still
But your side's untouched
For your place is not filled
Family's all close
Grandchildren grow up
Laela does ballet
Oh how they develop!
Christmas is coming
It's the same each year
You're ever in our minds
We still love you my dear
Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/decorating-christmas-tree-santa-woman-2999718/
I stroked her hair as she closed her eyes
Then put her big story book away
How easy to love my granddaughter
When with fairy tales or dolls I play
I feast my eyes on her as she sleeps
Then return to daughters dining room
More juice? Son in law now says to me
Waving bottle in hand; I say nay
She's little now but the day will come
When no doubt more wrinkled I shall be
When with luck she'll want to play with us
Plates cleared for games like Cheat or Rummy
Image found at http://scottishbooktrust.com/
Thank you kids for being close over the years
So happy all lived in the same state as us
So together times of laughter, times of tears
Weddings, birthdays and holidays with no fuss
One year we flew to Tasmania for Christmas
What laughter we had in our summer time
No snow, just sunshine, bush walks and wines of class
The pile of presents sky high it was sublime
Then there was our autumn Murray River cruise
We each took turns steering vessel on its way
Keep the boat starboard or may get some abuse
Then find a spot to tie up for the night's stay
So we do as all families ought to do
Being loved, being close, laughing away
A family that's happy does stick like glue
The best there is, thanks kids you are all OK
Image found at http://www.murrayriver.com.au/unforgettable-houseboats-939/unforgettable-3/
I close my eyes, I am getting old
What should I pray for, why be so bold?
I have children and they have theirs
I wonder if they say their prayers?
I'm thankful for my ripe old age
I read, I write, so turn the page
I laugh a lot for life's so much fun
I've never been faced with a gun
Most people I've met I have loved
(But not as a kid when pushed and shoved)
I also noticed others eyes
Easy then to tell truth from lies
I want for nothing, that is the truth
Wish luck to Martin, Robyn and Ruth
And my grandkids for they are the best
As they live their lives both east and west
I'd love to meet my wife again
To be together without all her pain
I like to think she went ahead of me
To speak for me like an attorney
I would like to meet my dogs as well
They were much fun despite the smell
Many old friends too I'd like to meet
Through them all life has been so sweet
Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/church-praying-prayer-cathedral-768613/
I sit by your bedside, you are fast asleep, but I still talk to you whilst holding your hand. You have been in a coma for a few days but I still visit you everyday just in case. I tell you what flowers are out in the garden, and how the fruit is growing on the apricot tree. The nurse then comes in to check your temperature and says "You have been in most of the day, why don't you go home and have a break?" So I do and find it is late afternoon so I drive back home to get a bite to eat. I throw something together and am just finishing it when the phone rings. It is the hospital, the nurse from the ward says, "I am so sorry. Your wife died just few minutes ago. Please do not rush back, there is no hurry". I thank her and tidy up, ring the children and then drive back slowly to the hospital as the street lights come on.
The sun has now set
The clouds drift into darkness
I kiss you goodbye
Image found at https://www.shutterstock.com
What better healing balm than this
That to be woken with a kiss
How blind I was 'ere I met you
Hand in hand we watch stars in the astral plane
The bully Sun set long ago
Twinkling lights sets your face in view
Whispering words, music to my ears
Your eyes wide shining bright in light of the moon
Now walking through the forest trees
On icy days or rain's fluid ways
My blood pulses at the thought of you
Spurs my mind, how beautiful our world can be
Image found at https://zamilovane.wordpress.com
Where will I find you now you have gone?
Where can I travel to hear your song?
Where did you go for it's been so long?
Darling you were the one I relied on
I walk the beach that's close to home
I see you skipping waves in my mind
I call; it's you, surely I'm not blind?
But you have disappeared in the foam
Are the seagulls crying overhead?
Does that crab wave messages to me?
Is that you down there I can't quite see?
Do you speak to me when I'm in bed?
Then I realised you had not left
As you are watching me from above
For you're giving me unending love
There' no need for me to feel bereft
Image forund at https://pixabay.com/en/adult-beach-blue-horizon-leisure-21679/
Why now that winter is coming
Do you now write me a letter
Not that it makes me feel better
To say just why we had to part
Knowing that it would break my heart
Four years have you been my lover
Now I am lost, you have another
Cold as ice; No it is far worse!
Gone those eyes sparkling in the night
Gone your kisses beyond delight
Will I ever see you again?
Losing you is such awful pain
How can I start another life?
T'was you I wanted for a wife
Dark is my mood and dark the skies
Sun leaves earlier every day
Leaves have fallen, birds flown away
Winter winds howl with a cold rage
As my life turns another page
Was it really your lips I kissed
All in November's soaking mist
Image found at https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/bank-day-november-fog-landscape-mood_668985.htm
My word you are beautiful
Like sun setting in the west
Skittish, laughing, hard to read
Head full of untold secrets
An old one that knew so much
One who has travelled so far
But are those tears in your eyes?
Closing them as I hug you
Remembering infant me
Time, tick, tick, ticking away
Your worn hands reach up to me
Compare me to my father
"I'll get you a cup of tea"
She says to me now smiling
Forgetting she is in care
But the trolley's coming round
We both get one and a biscuit
Hers shaking in her old hands
"How is...?" My wife's name is blank
So I talk about June then
I stay about an hour or so
Chatting; she patting my hands
Slowly she closes her eyes
I leave when she falls asleep
But she may not remember
That I came, but that's okay
Better than pleading with me
To take her back to my place
So hard to handle last time
Carers had to calm her down
Image found at https://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-mommys-boy.htm
What can I do with all these tears?
I'd never before seen the connection between weeping tears
And the tears that rip you open until now
Now as I feel my heart being torn open again the tears flow freely
What's the thing about grief that punishes me so much for loving?
What can I do with all these tears?
Can I collect them and wash myself free of the memories
That constantly nibble at me now?
But you are all around me and within me, both outside and at home
There is the scent of you, enticing but sadly out of reach
What can I do with all these tears?
Let them fall and get them to send a message of lasting love
That will forever be in my heart
Telling you of your children and grandchildren, of music and birds
Of the sea and the hills and wind and rain and of holding your hand
Image found found at https://pixabay.com/en/sunset-couple-holding-hands-love-583933/
I can't say anything
For you won't speak to me
So I write you letters
But do you read what I've written?
You were my first true love
Help me to understand
Why I'm not on your page
Foolish me for I was bitten
No more long walks outside
Holding hands white Moon beams
Carved our names in tree's trunk
Silly me, as I was smitten
No more shall I write words
Sentences filled with love
Tempted by another
You're no more my charming kitten
Image found at http://soulmagazine.org/he-heals-the-brokenhearted/
First rays of dawn shone through the window
She snuggled close to my back
Now breathing contentedly
I loved everything about her
Her eyes, her nose and her soft hands
But didn't even know her name
Image found at https://www.verywellmind.com/getting-quality-sleep-when-stressed-3145263
I was surely lucky as a child
Instead of me madly running wild
I visited my mothers place of work
Not playing in the streets like a jerk
After school I raced without a care
To library in town's Market Square
Mum behind the counter stamping books
I gorged myself in some cosy nooks
In reference room I did my homework
And walked back home with Mum after work
I read fiction books not meant for me
Books like "Lolita" and "The Cruel Sea"
Wasn't long before I found classics
To each bookshelf I go and fossick
Aesops Fables, then The Golden Ass
Balzac, Zola and Seutonius
What education it was for me
To binge read "The Old Man and the Sea"
Even "On the Beach" by Nevil Shute
And other authors of great repute
When married my wife also a fan
So our few bookcases grew a span
Years later those books still talk to me
For reading's a pleasure guaranteed
Image found at https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/teen-boy-reading-in-quiet-library_2667043.htm
Note the picture is not of me but the story behind the poem is true
Authors of novels referred to: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Cruel Sea by Nicholas Monsarrat
The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
She is off on a journey now
Flying high in the evening light
Or singing at a perfect pitch
Oh how she made my life so rich
How I yearn for her now she's gone
Perhaps wading on a coral shore
How relentless is life's machine
Where have you gone my dear Maureen?
Met you when were such a cute miss
Walking to work so close to me
How telling was our first talk
Our eyes eager like pair of hawks
We stuck together as we should
Travelled the world and raised three kids
Grandchildren now number six
I just wish you were a Phoenix
Image found at https://pixabay.com/en/photos/
How I miss the swings and slides
Of our happy childhood days
Now my life is all despair
Oh for those times without care
How did we exist before?
Homework, tests and such strict rules
Cough syrup with runny nose
Hand me downs of sister's clothes
First to bathroom, lucky me
Now she's banging on the door
"Wait I've got to do my hair"
She pinched my arm with a glare
How the years have passed since then
When she died my heart did break
Cool day for her funeral
Heavens open; rain does fall
Image found at https://onceuponasnarkyrecap.wordpress.com/2016/05/09/
I am ahead of you
Those were my last words
Just moments before my execution
Thinking that humour was apt
As a final cutting statement
As the crowd gaped on
All laughing at my misfortune
I made a clean break
And doffed my peaked cap
To wave goodbye quite unaware
Of the end of time
Image found at https://2.bp.blogspot.com/
I never used to write poetry
Until I found the man
That forever changed my view
On such rhyming verse
So then I thought, I can
Writing of his world for all to see
John Clare's work spoke to me
Peasant poet, he was called
Seeing through his eyes
Although a troubled man
His style was of course rural poesy
Taking readers with him
To that world many years past
Simple rural life
Read him, you'll be a fan
Here is his sonnet "I love to hear the evening crows go by"
I love to hear the evening crows go by
And see the starnels darken down the sky
The bleaching stack the bustling sparrow leaves
And plops with merry note beneath the eaves
The old and lated pigeon bounces by
As if a wary watching hawk was nigh
While far and fearing nothing high and slow
The stranger birds to distance places go
While short of flight the evening robin comes
To watch the maiden sweeping out the crumbs
Nor fears the shout of passing boy
But pecks about the door and sings with joy
Then in the hovel where the cows are fed
Finds till the morning comes a pleasant bed
Starnels -Starlings
British poet John Clare b 1793 d 1864
Image from www.http://www.australianauctionreview.com.au
