Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts

Wednesday, 23 October 2019

I am sorry


I am sorry you died before me
I can still remember you saying
Such a very long, long time ago
You and your sister planned it all out
That once me and her husband died
That both of you would live together
In a house by the sea hearing the tide

I thought it was such a good idea
You had been so close when you were young
But sadly though that never took place
You both skipped off just a year apart
Leaving us husbands the ones that cried
Having to cook our meals just like you
Coping with old age all blurry eyed

I forgive you for that dearest one
For I now cook, clean and tidy up
And yes, I make the bed and change sheets
Plus vacuum the carpet every week
I do all the things you used to do
But what I miss these days most of all
Is being cuddled up at night with you

Image found at https://pixabay.com/photos/bed-bedroom-pillows-bedding-home-1348721/

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Rapata meets Hinewai (No. 80)


The continuing story of Ahu and Ahuahu her husband in a Maori village in Aotearoa before European settlement of New Zealand. (Missed an episode? Click on Ahu in the labels bar for previous posts.)


Rapata returned to Big River and reported his proposals for the Ngerengere settlement to his mission church leaders and it was approved that he should provide assistance to them but he would have to work there on his own, not with a team of helpers that he wanted. Later he came back to Black Sands and told the village council of the plan and asked that if they could consider it. After a long debate they finally agreed that he could do this work but that they must be informed of all that he did there. Rapata asked for help in building a clinic and accommodation for him there and after another lengthy discussion it was agreed and some assistance would be given to him in its construction. In order that the men from Black Sands who helped were not in contact with the residents of the ngerengere settlement it was built on the edge of their area. This also satisfied the authorities from Big River who said they would need to inspect it from time to time. However they never did.

Kamaka who was a skilled carpenter himself, offered to work there as did Tane and Mahora also from Black Sands. So a three roomed hut in typical Maori style was soon erected. On the day that the Black Sands men had finished their work Rapata thanked them and noticed that Kamaka was not returning back to the coast with the other men but started to make his way across country through the woodlands. So he called out after him “Where are you heading Kamaka?”

“To visit my daughter in the village where the Kakas call,” He replied.  

Rapata waved to him and set about putting his belongings inside the new building. It was not long before some of the residents came around to see the new building and he explained to them again how he could help them.

Kamaka told his daughter Hinewai what he had been doing and of the pakeha priest who had been given permission to work with the ngerengere.

“They are like rats in the forest,” she said, “Will we always be plagued with them?” 

“He seems like a good man for a pakeha, Hinewai.”

“Then he must be dead.” She laughed.

“He is older than me but speaks our language well and does not judge us. He calls himself Rapata and he laughs a lot.” He paused then continued, “He will surely become ngerengere himself.”

Hinewai just nodded and they spoke of him no more.

It was some months before Hinewai met Rapata at Black Sands. Although he worked with the ngerengere he would walk down to the village speak to Ahuahu to ask for help with food and clothing. Now that he was at the settlement much of the regular gifts from the villagers had eased off as they assumed the pakeha was caring for them. Ahu and some other women still went there but mainly to tell them of village life and of their families.  

On one occasion Hinewai was visiting Hatiti at Black Springs and was talking to her and Ahu when Rapata approached with a sack that he hoped to fill for the ngerengere. He nodded respectfully to the women and asked if Ahuahu was there, and he kneeled on the floor because the women were all seated. Ahu nodded at him and said, “I will have him fetched,” as she called out for Rouora to fetch his father.

“You look older, priest,” said Hinewai.

Rapata turned to her and recognised her even though he hadn’t seen her for some years.

“Hello Hinewai. It is good that you have returned home.”

Hatiti stared at Hinewai, “You know this priest?”

“Oh, yes, wherever there are pakeha, there are evil men and usually a priest close by; they go hand in hand.” Hinewai now spoke in English, “So you are the fool that wants to live with the ngerengere, are you Rapata? “

“I am getting old, Hinewai. I must do something right in my life; the Church wanted somebody to help, so I offered.”

“You will surely die, then.”

He nodded, “Surely, Hinewai. But I shall be doing something worthwhile for once.”

Hatiti and Ahu stared at the two of them as they both spoke words they did not understand.

“I am glad I can see you again.” Rapata said “And to see that you are with the people you love.”

She smiled, “You cannot see all of me; remember that came at a price.” Then thought a little then said. “I think I understand now. I expect that when Pastor John reported that he had failed here you picked up on who interpreted for him.” She paused then said, “You rescued me all those years ago but you took too long to do it and so you became lost yourself.”

Rapata was nodding at Hinewai and smiling sadly at her as she was too at him, when Rauora came back in with Ahuahu.

“It is all right, Ahuahu,” said Hinewai laughing, “It is only a pakeha begging for aid. I am sure we can find him something.

“You know this man, Hinewai?”

“Oh yes, Ahuahu, he was the one who persuaded me to come home.” She then added with a smile, “It took him a long time for him to do it so do not thank him, he does not need it, you have given him all that he wants here, his paradise in fact.” She then spoke in English again smiling at Rapata, “He has already had his reward.”

Later as Hatiti and Hinewai spoke together, Hatiti asked “What does he want here, Hinewai?”

“He wants somewhere to die and to be forgiven, Hatiti.” She paused then said, “I love this man because he is flawed just like me but at least he brought me back to you.”

“Will you tell me about him?”

“One day, Hatiti, one day. But I will tell you this; he is the only man that cried when he made love to me.”

Hatiti blushed as she bowed her head in embarrassment.

The reader may guess that Rapata was a priest that tried to get loose Maori women to give up their trade in European settlements and return to their villages. Unfortunately Rapata took his time with Hinewai and had a relationship with her himself in the process. This guilt weighed heavily on him so he has chosen the very difficult job of working with the ngerengere as a penance for his mistakes…but clearly he still loves Hinewai and she him. But now that is all over he is working with the ngerengere as no one will touch him ever again and he may be barred soon from visiting the village too.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Kamaka and Hinewai (No 59)

The continuing story of Ahu and Ahuahu her husband in a Maori village in Aotearoa before European settlement of New Zealand. (Missed an episode? Click on Ahu in the labels bar for previous posts.)

Secretly Ahuahu asked Moana and Paikea to visit her mother and brothers at the village where the Kaka calls and he sent Tangaroa with them telling his wives, “That is so people will think that we want Tangaroa to know more about life than fishing” but in reality it was so there would be no suspicion that he was delivering a message to Hinewai that Kamaka and he would see her again.

Moana told him after her visit that Hinewai was completely unaware that so much had happened at Black Sands since her banishment. When Hinewai looked on Paikea she was filled with great sorrow that she could not have made a marriage such as Moana had.

When Hinewai was alone with Tangaroa she could see Ahuahu in him. It was to his surprise that as they rubbed noses, she wrapped him in her arms as though he were still a little boy.

It was then when he was alone with Hinewai he said “I have a message for you”. She nodded in reply but not letting go of him.

“Ahuahu will bring your father Kamaka to visit you soon.” He then whispered as her eyes lit up, “Ahuahu my father wishes to discuss only the pakeha with you. He said you do not need to talk of the hurt you have suffered to anyone.”

“Do you know what he means, Tangaroa?”

Tangaroa shook his head. Hinewai then bent forward and said “I understand, it will be good to see my father and Ahuahu again.”

"Why did you hold me so, Hinewai?" Tangaroa asked. 

Hinewai smiled at him, "Ahu and Ahuahu have sent you as a lucky talisman to tell me that they have forgotten the past, they have forgiven me by sending someone very precious to talk to me."

Later back at Black Sands Kamaka was overjoyed when he heard that he would see his younger daughter Hinewai and he had difficulty in remaining calm as he and Ahuahu made their way to the village in the forest a few days later.

They were greeted as usual by Hauku’s children who fetched her and she was pleased once again to have visitors from the coast. Kamaka gave her a basket of fish and thanked her for looking after Hinewai.

With that Hinewai emerged from the hut, holding Hauku’s youngest child on her hip. Delighted that they had arrived she immediately put the child down and greeted her father Kamaka. “Come in we must talk” she said and then turning to Ahuahu greeted him “Thank you Ahuahu.”

With that Ahuahu nodded his head smiling and approached her and rubbed noses with her. “Go talk with your father and I will speak with you later myself”.

Hauku then said to Ahuahu, “It was good to see Moana and Paikea here we are so proud of her”.

“She is very strong, Hauku” then after a pause Ahuahu continued, “And wise too. There is much Paikea can learn from her”.

At this Hauku looked at him quizzically. “I do not understand”.

“She has understanding beyond her years, his father hopes some will rub off on Paikea.” He said with a smile. Hauku smiled too but uncertainly.

Later when Ahuahu spoke to Hinewai she confirmed that the northern villages had been trading weapons with the pakeha.

“Do they now have the stick that explodes, Hinewai?”

She nodded, “It is called a musket, Ahuahu.”

“Muss kett! Do many villages have them?”

Hinewai nodded doubtfully, “A few yes, but they have traded many other things.”

Ahuahu’s heart fell, not more to change to their way of life he thought. Hinewai saw his face and smiled “No, no this is good, it is called potato. It is easier to grow than our kumara which men have to help us with, but any woman can grow potatoes and they are good to eat.”

They talked more of the pakeha and which villages might have weapons. At last Ahuahu had to ask outright “Hinewai, does Rocky Outcrop have the muss kett?”

Hinewai smiled at the way he said the word and nodded, “How is it that Black Sands have not heard of all this, Ahuahu? Has life really gone on just as it used to be there?”

“Yes, Hinewai, We are not important. We fish and try to upset no one and we have the hot springs to enjoy, but all this will not last long, I can see that. This village too is isolated like us and it is safe for you now. But now I have a hard task in telling our village council of these things that are happening.  It is lucky we do no have any arguments with Rocky Outcrop.”

“Ahuahu you must forgive me for what I did in the past,”

“That is all over now, Hinewai. The gods turned away when you were being hurt, and we did too, I should apologise to you. You are with us again now and everyone is thankful.” 

She came up close to Ahuahu to talk to him, ”I must tell you more about the muskets…” and her words were so quiet that no one else could hear her whisper as she spoke to him.

After she had finished talking Ahuahu looked around for Kamaka, “We will return to Black Sands when you are ready, I must speak with our village council.” With that he reached out and touched her hand. “Be safe now, Hinewai.”

Kamaka nodded sadly he looked at Hinewai with love, he had found his daughter again but seeing her and Ahuahu speak he knew that their way of life was changing too even though he did not understand what she had said.

After they had gone Hinewai cried tears that did not stop until she remembered him touching her hand, he really had forgiven her.