Saturday, October 1, 2016

The deck hand



I leaned over the side
Of the old canal barge
My face was reflected
With the billowing clouds

Foam from the rudders blade
Was strung out behind us
Now we were slowing down
As we approached the lock

I could see the carp now
Their fins were emerging
I felt a wisp of Sue's hair
As she leaned over me

She touched my shoulder
Her grin reflected below
I'll kiss her at the bridge
Hope her dad won't notice 

Normally observant
He watched me like a hawk
But his concern now was
For this boatload of grain

The light filtered away
I spun around quickly
Kissing her sweet lips
Good, she was not surprised

She held on tight to me
We parted as it lightened
I turned round and looked back
His eyes were on me now

Image found at www.kustvaartforum.com


27 comments:

  1. I spun around quickly
    Kissing her sweet lips
    Good, she was not surprised

    There are times when one needs to act and react fast or opportunities will just fizzle away. Agreed Robin!

    Hank

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  2. I've always wanted to do a canal boat trip. Hard to better that one though.

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  3. What a ride!!! So much soft romanticism.

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  4. ha...a neat action..hawk has no chance :)

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  5. A watchful eye never hurts - like a barge all things must go at a steady pace.. i love your storytelling in this one

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  6. Love, love, love this :D such a sweet and romantic write 💖

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  7. When the cat's away ... yes I guess a canal ride would be a perfect opportunity. So sweet and romantic.

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  8. Somehow I think that the end of the poem is just the BEGINNING of the story. Smiles!

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  9. I love the way you captured this moment:

    I could see the carp now
    Their fins were emerging
    I felt a wisp of Sue's hair
    As she leaned over me

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  10. Ha...caught out by your future father in law!You were lucky he did not throw you overboard.:)

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  11. "I turned round and looked back
    His eyes were on me now"

    Wow. Great ending.

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  12. Will be waiting for the next phase, Robin. That was a thrilling one :) Ah, memories

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  13. This is sweet. You painted it so clearly, you took me there.

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  14. Happy for loves blossoming, nice write, thanks for sharing Robin
    💖

    Much love...

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  15. This presents so many aspects — the essence of canal boating, the romance, the expected conflict And all woven from imposed words!

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  16. I like the slow build, the detailed setting for a stolen/freely-offered kiss.

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  17. "Good, she was not surprised" - great line: human vulnerability tinged with the lightest touch of humor. The piece, over all, is "up there" with some of your best writing, Robin.

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  18. Really nice. This might be one of your best, Robin.

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  19. What a sweet scene you have painted with your words!

    mindlovemisery

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  20. Nothing like a stolen kiss to cement a romance!

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  21. Ahhh, the romance. I love a good story.

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  22. ahhh yes! you snuck one good kiss in. these are the memorable moments

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