Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Loss


I walked with some authority in the Hospital. The handful of others in the lift knew not whether I was a patient, visitor or staff. I carried a light weight briefcase; it contained my lunch not documents, I even fooled myself. I had journeyed there many times, directing people when they got lost, chatted with the tradesfolk as they went about their business and became abrasive when I could see carelessness or neglect by the nurses. Very few could read me. I was a closed book. I was capable, strong, able talk to specialists and cleaners alike. I fitted neck braces, massaged limbs, and read to this patient and chatted with others, I fetched cups of coffee. I discussed treatment; I assisted a patient to walk to the shower; I brushed hair, I applied moisturiser, and I called out the clues to the crossword for the patient who couldn’t sit upright to fill the answers in themselves. I accompanied patients to radiography, and held their hand when bloods were taken. I talked of gardens and weather and of people we both knew and of plans for the future. But there was no future, you slipped away without saying goodbye, or had you? And now I am left with this loss, a void that cannot be filled and now on my own I am always looking for you, you are everywhere but not here, not where I want you to be.

10 comments:

  1. Such a melancholy piece that tugs at your heartstrings. Very well written.

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  2. so sad missing the loved one.Great story very well writen

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  3. Oh how beautifully the tribute fits the title and what a picture of a courageous human being.

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  4. Heartbreaking, Rob. Can't write more, I'm too choked up.

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  5. A beautiful piece of writing OldEgg..and yes, sad..yet I hope there is belonging in this place whilst it is still needed..perhaps moving away slowly and being in the place where so much was lost helps..Jae

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  6. How very beautiful, but terribly sad, If this is not a fiction, then I hope you find some peace after your loss. And even if it is fiction, you created a scene where the emotion is palpable.

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  7. This has me weeping as I write.
    Know that you were so amazing, so strong, so purposeful. You were so important to Mum and exactly where she needed you to be. I am so proud of how you loved and cared for her. You gave her your all so now your loss is so very very great and so very very sad.

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  8. Sometimes the only way to get through things is to help others - focus on them instead of looking to closely at something that is too painful to view close up...I think she was lucky to have you and took that love with her. You are a lovely man :) Hugs.

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  9. Oh, this was so poignant. I've been that familiar with a hospital, during my mom's last days. But losing a loved one would lead a person back to that place, to be a quiet volunteer, to help others through their travails... yes, I can see that well.

    Not sure how you feel about constructive criticism, but I'll suggest something anyway and hope you know it's done with love: If you change "the patient that" to "the patient who" the piece will be stronger and more submittable.

    This is a beautiful, thoughtful post, Rob, and bless you for it.

    I'll email you something you can relate to along these lines. Love, Amy

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  10. Love this Old Egg. As you know I worked in a hospital for many years. I identify.

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